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I Am The One

March 25, 2012

Do you ever wish you were the one?

Well I guess it depends on what context this question is being asked to you. If you were the one to have to flee your house because it’s on fire or if you got fired from a job knowing you had no money that would really suck.

I think Spence Diamond’s knows how to sell jewelery. Their radio commercials and bus shelter ads speak to women who want to feel they are “the one” and encourages their partner to take the big leap for fear of losing “the one” if they don’t present the woman they love with an engagement ring:)

When I saw this ad, I thought about a conversation I had with my partner six months after we broke up. She had it in her head that I was “the one” when we were together. Although she alluded to this feeling, she did not fully express it to me while we were together. I suppose the risk was too big at the time, then we broke up so I’m not sure if it got said or not because I can’t remember. I was too messed up by fatigue and the diagnoses of MS to care about much.

There we were sitting on a bench six months later, doing our best to reconnect despite our sadness. We were trying to make sense of things. She said something like – Do you believe there is “the one”? I said, no, I believe there are many suitable partners out there for us and that there is no one person that is “the one” (plus as an aside, I think it’s too much pressure to be “the one” in long-term committed relationship).

She responded by saying that she did believe there was “the one” and “the one” was ourselves. Basically, how I interpreted her statement was, we need to love ourselves first. Until we can love ourselves put ourselves in that place as “the one” – we are just filling the gap in ourselves with another.

I have to agree that we need to be “the one” for ourselves because if we look to others to give us that label than it is possible we will be depending on that partner for how we feel about ourselves. If they are loving and we get what we need than we are happy. Conversely, if they don’t then we are nothing. This is very dangerous operating system to function within.

As a single person presently, I realize how often I want to feel the gap in me. I am glad I notice when I start to do this. Now I am getting to the place where I have started dating myself. I took myself for a bike ride last weekend. The week before I took myself snowshoeing. I felt happy and grateful for doing these nice things for me. I felt loved by me.

I can’t say I have arrived just yet – what I do know is that my ex-partner had a good point. Although it may take a lifetime to see “the one” in myself, I realize I no longer need to seek this from another. The next time I meet a wonderful woman I want to get to know as a potential partner, I will remind myself of my wholeness with or without she being in my life.

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