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Love and Other Drugs – Said It All

March 7, 2012

Last weekend I watched a movie on Netflix called Love and Other Drugs.  This film to be nailed how I felt when I was disgnosed about being in relationship after my diagnoses. The first thing I wanted to do is push this one partner of one year away. Afterall how could she possible want to stay with me now that I was labelled with a “disease” and an unpredictibale disease to boot. Plus her longest relationship prior being with me was with a partner who one year out got into a serious car accident and declined dramatically over a period of eleven years until, understandablely she could not take it anymore.

Here I was with a fresh new diagnoses, no knowledge what so ever of MS and I was terrified. How could anyone ever love me. The sad part of the story was that she did but I could handle it let alone handle myself so I ended the relationship very suddenly after a big fight.

In the film Love and Other Drugs, Anne Hathaway’s character who has parkinson’s disease. She is unable to have a long term meaningful relationship with a partner because she is terrified of being hurt and left if she falls in love. Jake Gyllenhall plays a sexy stud who likes to play around and have meaningless sex with women. They meet and although he knows she has partkinson’s disease, he really doesn’t know anything about it nor does he care. She is hot and he wants to sleep with her.

Anytime he starts to get close to her, she pushs him out the door. I her heart she wants to be with him but in her head she doesn’t want to take the risk.  The movie depicts the reality of her disease as the film progresses. Once she meeting others who have parkinson’s disease she feels liberated and less isolated, yet Jake’s character freaks out after having a conversation with a guy who has a wife in the later stages of parkinson’s and tells him to run while he can.

Jake decides he is going to make it his misson to cure the one he loves. Yet after they drive around the entire country seeking the best medical experts she tells him outwrite to get out of her life because he wants to fix a problem that can’t be fixed.  Without telling you the ending – because this is a hollywood film, the part I connect with the most in the movie is the roller coaster of emotions Anne Hathaway’s character goes through during the film. I can see myself in her and what I went through around feeling terrified, worried of not be loved,  wanting to avoid rejection and saving others the imense pain that I felt and still often feel of the changing of my life circumstances.

Although, in many ways I would love to have a partner right now to spend the rest of my life with, I feel I have too much baggage and grief to process and heal before I can open my heart fully to another.

Recently, I connected with a woman who has a serious disease and similar symptoms to mine. I asked her how with so much fatigue she was able to find and meet a partner. She told me she had known this woman for a long time and they just happened to cross paths again. From her perspective, it was important for her to be with someone who knew her before her health started to dramatically change.

I feel differently. When I am ready, I would like to meet a perspective partner that didn’t know me before my diagnoses because I am not the same person I was in so many ways. I don’t want to be reminded of how my life used to me. I think about it enough already. I want to be in the present with this perspective partner in what ever is my current life journey at the time we meeting.

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