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My Body is Unhappy Right Now

February 26, 2012

Last night I came come from a fun event. When I got home I was quite tired as I had snowshoed earlier that day. As I wanted across my wooden floor from the living room into the kitchen, I felt a huge surge of pain in my left foot. I lifted my my leg and turned the bottom of my foot towards me to witness a chunk of wood poking out from the end of my sock.

I quickly yanked of my sock to see if I could manage to pull the scarde of wood out of the pad of my foot while removing my sock at the same time. Although I was successful to some degree, I couldn’t tell if I had been able to remove the entire sliver from my foot. It was close to mid-night at this point and I couldn’t really tell what was up so I douced my wound in rubbing alcohol and went to bed.

This morning it is very sore and so I will have to deal with it.

What this brough up for me last night was how frustrated I feel right now about my health. Althought there is no serious or major castrophy, I am constantly having to deal with little health issues and it’s become a minor car pile up. I am feeling angry about this. First it was the blurred vision in October to December. This again wasn’t serious but disabling enough to put limits on what I could do and drain my already low energy reserve. When this ended I was sooo happy. The gratitude and joy were so great, I felt high. This high was followed by the first of a serious of left ear infections. The first was quite painful and look a long time to go away. It came back again less than a month later in full force. I tried many natural means to deal with it including an online solution of baking an onion putting it in jar, piercing it and putting it up against my ear. It did feel comforting but it didn’t solve the problem. The drops my doctor gave me which cost $40 didn’t see to help, the liquid in my ear seemed to make it worse.

Finally I went to see my chiro twice over a one week period and through the adjustments he assisted my ear in draining so it got better. On the tails of this has been painful sinuses. I can’t seem to get it to go away. Lately, I have been having headaches like I don’t recall ever having. I am thinking what the f__k? Then a sore throat came to visit me and won’t leave despite the number of times I gargle with salt water and drink water with drops of oil of oregano. What the f___k?

So getting the big mother of a sliver in my foot would have been no big deal if I wasn’t struggling with so many things includng waking up at 5 am in the morning no matter what time I go to bed. Since the MS already makes me feel tired all the time, this really sucks.

There are sooooo many maybes. Maybe if I hadn’t gone out four evenings in a row I won’t feel so crappy. Maybe if I hadn’t gone snowshoeing and then out for the evening last night even though I was tired and my vision was telling me so. But I want to live my life and I already feel so isolated and often alone that going out and connecting with others, getting exercise and doing fun & meaningful things is important to me.

Yes, it’s true my body went through a lot this week. Amongst all of that I had a bike accident earlier in the week, not serious but serious enough to have lots of bruises from the knee caps up. I am finding new bruises in places I didn’t think where there. So I guess my body is trying to send me a message. No matter how many warm baths I have, ice packs I apply and ginger tea I drink, the stuff that is happening is not going away very quickly.

I am trying to just be with it which is why I am writing this blog post. Just to be with what is and what will be. Yes I feel a little sorry for myself in the process. My biggest wish right now is that I can fall back to sleep, dream sweet dreams and wake up refreshed to face another day without feel so damn vunerable and worn out:)


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