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The Days Since Jupiter

February 21, 2012

By the time I was presented with the diagnoses of MS it was September 2010. My dog, Jupiter was having some issues of his own. His hips were having trouble. It was manageable but the stairs to my front door were certainly not his favourite.

By Jaunary 2011 we were both falling apart. I could see that he was really struggling but I didn’t know how messed up I was emotionally now how the fatigue was going to take me over.

By late March, I had to help Jupiter up and down the stairs. He was 75 lbs so it was difficult for me. I was sadded by his pain, yet I just didn’t have much energy to deal with it. We would come back from a walk around the block in which he would occassionally fall over and then we would sit on the front lawn for 15 minutes to half an hour rain or shine until he had the strength to get up the stairs with some minor assistance.

I was starting to get very worn down doing this three times a day. Some days he didn’t want to go out and I would use treats to bribe him. He would almost topple down the stairs to get them. Iwas very upsetting to me but I didn’t know what else to do.

By the time he passed on in May, I was relieved. I didn’t feel saddness. I felt guilty for not feeling sad. I was already grieving so many losses, I really couldn’t manage to let this loss in. I was so grateful to not have to get up early in the morning and get him out the door. He used to pace at 6:30 am needing to go out. I knew he had had a wonderful life. He was my soul mate, a true companion.

It has taken me a long time to feel saddness about not having him in my life. What I miss most in coming home to being greeted by his beautiful face and loving energy.

I now take care of a dog every Monday. I do this because I wanted to help out other and give myself a low commitment companion. It is also my strategy to lay low on Mondays, focus on a work project and get out for a nice walk. This on most days is manageable. We both take a nice laydown after lunch:)

Although I know I can’t manage a dog full time as a single person, this gives me a chance to have a pet without all the responsiblities that come with being a pet owner.

I was listening to a poet read by Mary Oliver about her dog passing on and wanted to share it with you as it is very beautiful – http://brownbetty.blogspot.com/2009/11/her-grave-by-mary-oliver.html

 

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